Kiss Me Judas! The crowd roars. And in this corner Danuta Klosowski's directorial debut Boos fill the room. What is there to say about Kiss Me Judas that hasn't already been said? It is so bleak, so relentlessly soul-crushing, you wonder why anyone would read it in the first place. It's almost a masochistic experience. And just like Phineas can't quit Jude even though she's likely to be the death of him, you can't stop reading. It helps that the book is written like a throat-slash, every word honed to a razor's edge. You don't even feel the blade as it enters.
Then there's Fractured : an impossibly amateurish facsimile with negative production value and porno-grade acting. It looks like it was lit and photographed by a blind man and then edited by his seeing-eye dog. The film has no sense of pacing, within scenes or as a whole. It rips off tiny little details from the book, but lacks any of its depth or nuance. There isn't a single authentic emotional beat in the entire film.
It also has awful, incongruous original music.
The tender kitchen-counter-sponge-down-dissolve-to-shirt-back-on scene at the 33 minute mark, for example. I call the acting porno-grade, but I have to apologize, because that's an insult to porn stars. His delivery is either completely flat, like he is reading off cue cards, or whiny like a bitch.
And as we all know, Phineas Poe ain't no bitch. Betty the Jude character , is played by We'll never hear from her again.
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She has the superficial trappings of Jude-- eye tattoo, red dress, teardrop necklace-- but none of her deadly charisma. There should be demented, co-dependent fireworks between these two characters, but Betty and Val have zero chemistry. Then there's the Eve character. In Kiss Me Judas , Eve is an 18 year-old goth princess, experienced beyond her years. In Fractured , her character is named Mora, and is played by someone twice that age who has obviously had work done, squeezed into too-tight latex.
And you know what? That would be fine, if they were changing the character to an overtly sexual cougar trying to extend her youth, but no, the filmmakers have the audacity to present Mora as 18! It just doesn't sell. Her performance is that of someone trying to remember what an 18 year-old acts like, but instead of being cool and detached like Eve is supposed to be, she just comes off as an obnoxious twat.
The misinterpretation of Baer's characters is indicative of the overall lack of experience of everyone involved. But in the interest of being fair and balanced, I suppose I have to mention any redeeming qualities this mess of a film might have. So here goes:. I will say this: The animated Orpheus and Eurydice sequence was pretty interesting. On its own, it's easily the most professional-looking part of the film. Of course, it doesn't really fit the tone of the film as a whole. Have Morgan Freeman narrate the thing and release it as a short and you might have something.
Here is where Danuta makes the biggest deviation from the source material. It's like she thought, as long as I change the end no one will noticed I plagiarized everything else. I'm sure Baer fans will hate it, but it's the only example of creative thought in the entire script. Before they get to the hacienda of Luscious Gore I forget what the they call him in the movie , Val freaks out on Betty, she tells him she never actually removed his kidney, and he shoots her in the head.
In the context of Fractured , this was so cathartic I cheered. He then continues on to Gore's, and decides to donate his kidney to the man's dying son. Unfortunately, it's not enough to make up for the preceding 90 minutes of torture. Basically, Danuta Klosowski butchered Kiss Me Judas like Isabel butchered that male prostitute trying to extract his kidney.
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She had no understanding of the tone of the book; she just cut and pasted. Any attempts at "making it her own" completely miss the mark. I'm looking at you, horrible drug sequence set to playful woodwinds that includes a what-the-fuck banana sharing moment with Rose.
Kiss Me, Judas - 1st Edition/1st Printing | Will Christopher Baer | Books Tell You Why, Inc
Her punishment should be to let people see the film in all its execrable glory. I wouldn't want her to profit from it, but the exhibition of this embarrassment would be analogous to a public shaming. Put her in the town square for all to laugh at. I doubt anyone would give her money to make another movie after that. As if there was any question after all this , Kiss Me Judas dominates the competition like Mike Tyson in his prime with a little of the ear-biting, face-tattooing Tyson thrown in for good measure.
- Kiss Me, Judas | extavarifours.tk?
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There is no reason outside of morbid curiosity to see this film. If you are some sort of glutton for punishment and absolutely MUST see Fractured , LitReactor is not responsible for any headaches, blurry vision, hysterical blindness, or rectal bleeding. We are also not responsible if Will Christopher Baer shows up at your house and punches you in the face. You have been warned. Follow him on Twitter at jaceycockrobin.
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Closing Thoughts on Kiss Me, Judas
To leave a comment Login with Facebook or create a free account. I loved the Phineas Poe books. I have no intention of watching the movie, but this article was good for a larf. Baer is my idol.
He's one of the main reasons I'm writing. I actually wrote an annotation on his trilogy for my MFA program. He's a true genius, and I hope he gets Godspeed out some day. Baer got me to Clevenger which got me to Stephen Graham Jones. It's definitely one of my top ten books ever.
I still get angry thinking about this plagiarism. It borders on irony, when you consider the kind of people who enjoy Chris Baer's special blend of literary illness: are these reeeeally who you wanna be pissing off? Publishers Weekly. Retrieved 30 May Entertainment Weekly.
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